War Of Attrition, Coordination
Who Hosts Thanksgiving?
Who Hosts Thanksgiving? is a War Of Attrition and Coordination scenario. The core lesson: Unspoken recurring traditions are accidental commitments, whoever blinks first in the silence gets the job permanently. It's early October. Thanksgiving is six weeks away. DecisionPlay maps the players, payoffs, and equilibrium dynamics that shape how this situation typically resolves.
The situation
It's early October. Thanksgiving is six weeks away. Nobody in your family has said anything about it yet. You're all aware of this. This is how the standoff starts.
Background
Recurring family hosting is a war of attrition: whoever proposes hosting first bears the cost; waiting might mean someone else offers. The catch: if everyone waits, the coordination fails. What emerges over years is a 'tradition' that nobody consciously chose, it just happened because one person blinked first, every year, while everyone else stayed strategically silent.
What this reveals
Accidental traditions are wars of attrition with one loser
Recurring family commitments that 'just happen' are usually the result of one person repeatedly declining to maintain strategic silence in October. They didn't choose to host every Thanksgiving, they just didn't not choose it, year after year. The pattern feels like tradition. It's actually a coordination failure that one person keeps absorbing while everyone else stays quiet.
How to counter it: Any recurring commitment you didn't explicitly agree to is worth naming explicitly. 'I've hosted three years in a row, can we set up a rotation?' is a sentence that costs much less than it feels like it costs.
A question to sit with
What's a recurring obligation in your life that you didn't consciously choose, you just ended up with it? When did it start? Has anyone else ever acknowledged it?
Frequently asked questions
- What game theory concept does Who Hosts Thanksgiving? illustrate?
- Who Hosts Thanksgiving? illustrates War Of Attrition, Coordination. Unspoken recurring traditions are accidental commitments, whoever blinks first in the silence gets the job permanently.
- What is the situation in Who Hosts Thanksgiving??
- It's early October. Thanksgiving is six weeks away. Nobody in your family has said anything about it yet.
- What does Who Hosts Thanksgiving? reveal about how people decide?
- Accidental traditions are wars of attrition with one loser. Recurring family commitments that 'just happen' are usually the result of one person repeatedly declining to maintain strategic silence in October. They didn't choose to host every Thanksgiving, they just didn't not choose it, year after year. The pattern feels like tradition. It's actually a coordination failure that one person keeps absorbing while everyone else stays quiet.
- How do you avoid the trap in Who Hosts Thanksgiving??
- Any recurring commitment you didn't explicitly agree to is worth naming explicitly. 'I've hosted three years in a row, can we set up a rotation?' is a sentence that costs much less than it feels like it costs.
- What is the research behind Who Hosts Thanksgiving??
- Recurring family hosting is a war of attrition: whoever proposes hosting first bears the cost; waiting might mean someone else offers. The catch: if everyone waits, the coordination fails. What emerges over years is a 'tradition' that nobody consciously chose, it just happened because one person blinked first, every year, while everyone else stayed strategically silent.
- How long does Who Hosts Thanksgiving? take to play?
- About 7 min, at intro difficulty, across 4 decision points. It runs in your browser with no account and no sign-in.
Keep exploring
More Everyday Standoffs scenarios, or browse all scenarios. New to this? Start with how DecisionPlay works or the game theory glossary.
Topics: family, coordination, war-of-attrition, season-1